heteronormative
Aug. 1st, 2010 10:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mlrReturning my rental car, I noticed him at once, standing at the door of the shuttle bus. In white cargos, a sleeveless T, a baseball cap worn backwards, he had the urban uniform that signals. But it was his muscular build that announced itself a block away. Rugged enough to have had some rough contact sport in his past, he would be admired in any company. There was nothing 'gym-built' or forced about his figure, none of the odd proportions, the self-conscious display, the labored masculinity. He was the real thing. A hunk.
Then I got on the shuttle and discovered his little flock. Two young girls, blond and athletic, that could only belong to him. And his pretty Oriental girlfriend - Thai would be my guess. She had the same understated charm and attractiveness that he did.
On the shuttle I had a few more chances to study him. His muscular arms had a farmer's tan up to the shoulder. From the sides and collar of his T, there were soft coils of light brown hair peaking out. His handsome strong-jawed face sported a nice scratchy 5 o'clock shadow. If I say a blonde matinée idol - Dennis Quaid or Brian Keith - that would be the general type. But he was far better looking and beefier than either of them. He really didn't seem all that 'Texas' - there was a hint of worldliness about him. I imagined him in the midst of some required family travel. The whole group seemed to be spent, at the end of a long holiday.
When the shuttle arrived at Love Field, they let me exit ahead of them. At my gate, I was surprised to see them again. (This has oddly happened before. The last time was in San Francisco. I spent 4 or 5 days there roaming around by myself the week after this past Christmas, trying to do absolutely nothing. At SFO, the best looking man I had seen the entire week was getting on the same plane. I was all the more surprised that he continued with me the whole way to Amarillo. Once there, waiting for checked luggage, I was surprised again that there was no sign of wife and kids to greet him.)
The blond hunk boarded after me, but sat rather close. Thinking about my attraction to him, the word heteronormative suddenly planted itself among my thoughts. Someone used it in a response to a comment I wrote a week ago or so. I was curious if my attraction to men like this was heteronormative. Thinking about it a bit, I decided not. If he had given signals of being gay, I would have been no less attracted, and my eye contact, etc. would have been duly modulated. Who knows, I might have spoken to him.
It didn't help having been at the Eagle the night before (for all of 25 minutes), observing some of the local bear guys. In particular was a couple - I'll call them M. & M. They were in the midst a small entourage, animatedly chatting away. There is something distinctly not benign about their chatter. They are cliquish, gossipy, exclusive - and for lack of a better word - rather bitchy. They are probably just on the border of most people's idea of attractiveness. Israel tells me they are always positioning themselves with whatever stranger or group currently piques their interest as 'hot'. Maybe A-bear wannabes. (Is it still kosher to use either term?)
It's nothing new, but why oh why oh why, is it always there? I never see straight guys acting like twelve year-old girls. Maybe twelve year-old boys - but somehow that seems more interesting. Does that make me heteronormative?
Then I got on the shuttle and discovered his little flock. Two young girls, blond and athletic, that could only belong to him. And his pretty Oriental girlfriend - Thai would be my guess. She had the same understated charm and attractiveness that he did.
On the shuttle I had a few more chances to study him. His muscular arms had a farmer's tan up to the shoulder. From the sides and collar of his T, there were soft coils of light brown hair peaking out. His handsome strong-jawed face sported a nice scratchy 5 o'clock shadow. If I say a blonde matinée idol - Dennis Quaid or Brian Keith - that would be the general type. But he was far better looking and beefier than either of them. He really didn't seem all that 'Texas' - there was a hint of worldliness about him. I imagined him in the midst of some required family travel. The whole group seemed to be spent, at the end of a long holiday.
When the shuttle arrived at Love Field, they let me exit ahead of them. At my gate, I was surprised to see them again. (This has oddly happened before. The last time was in San Francisco. I spent 4 or 5 days there roaming around by myself the week after this past Christmas, trying to do absolutely nothing. At SFO, the best looking man I had seen the entire week was getting on the same plane. I was all the more surprised that he continued with me the whole way to Amarillo. Once there, waiting for checked luggage, I was surprised again that there was no sign of wife and kids to greet him.)
The blond hunk boarded after me, but sat rather close. Thinking about my attraction to him, the word heteronormative suddenly planted itself among my thoughts. Someone used it in a response to a comment I wrote a week ago or so. I was curious if my attraction to men like this was heteronormative. Thinking about it a bit, I decided not. If he had given signals of being gay, I would have been no less attracted, and my eye contact, etc. would have been duly modulated. Who knows, I might have spoken to him.
It didn't help having been at the Eagle the night before (for all of 25 minutes), observing some of the local bear guys. In particular was a couple - I'll call them M. & M. They were in the midst a small entourage, animatedly chatting away. There is something distinctly not benign about their chatter. They are cliquish, gossipy, exclusive - and for lack of a better word - rather bitchy. They are probably just on the border of most people's idea of attractiveness. Israel tells me they are always positioning themselves with whatever stranger or group currently piques their interest as 'hot'. Maybe A-bear wannabes. (Is it still kosher to use either term?)
It's nothing new, but why oh why oh why, is it always there? I never see straight guys acting like twelve year-old girls. Maybe twelve year-old boys - but somehow that seems more interesting. Does that make me heteronormative?
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no subject
Date: 2010-08-02 03:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-08-02 03:12 pm (UTC)When I first went to bear events 15 years ago or so, I thought I noticed a different kind of behavoir than I had seen before with gays. It was like the fraternity parties that these guys never had or sorely missed. Maybe all of the old behaviors were there, I was just too distracted to notice. But these things in a few years time morphed into something else.
no subject
Date: 2010-08-02 01:34 pm (UTC)I know exactly what you mean.
I made the mistake of visiting a gay pub/bar recently and saw exactly that behaviour in spades.
By circumstance rather than intention the majority of my friends are heterosexual and I do not spend much time anymore in gay venues. I certainly don't choose to.
So perhaps such behaviour is more noticeable simply because I am not inured to it or immersed in it.
But it sure as shit is not attractive. Not in a sexual way. Not in a social way. It also seems to me to be tired, dated and self repressive.
And for the record...no, I have never seen a straight man behave like a twelve year old girl. As you say...boy, yes.
Never heard one squeal. Ever.
Wish I could say the same about the times I have been in a gar bar.
And if that makes me intolerant of my own. Well, fine. I don't think I should particularly have anything more in common with gay men just because we all suck cock.
I notice the disparity far more than the mythic bond between brothers.
no subject
Date: 2010-08-02 03:28 pm (UTC)Somehow this seems a different subject to me than gay guys being nasty and treating others in ways they should have outgrown decades ago.
no subject
Date: 2010-08-05 12:16 pm (UTC)I pointed out Sebastian's girlfriend in a photo. In truth his sexuality was fluid but whether that was one more considered piece of the persona or actually natural I will never know."Bi now, gay later" was one of his many sayings. Sebastian affected a persona. It was entirely a construct. A considered act. Sheer artifice. Part of it, unfortunately, was taken from the worst examples of gay men's behaviour. Bitchiness, archness and malice coated with a thin veneer of wit. That is how he believed 'faggots' (a word he loved) behaved. One of the reasons he was disappointed with me is because I did not fit that profile and was happy not to. He was startlingly nasty to people...be it his family, his friends or pretty well anyone who was not well known or could not further the idea of Sebastian. His flamboyance was an act of rage that unfortunately used spite as fuel and caused a huge amount of hurt along the way. His autobiography reveals as much to any one who knows enough or can read between the lines. I knew him before the monster and will always love him for the person beneath, the one he worked so hard to hide and deny.
In the end he was almost entirely about being nasty. Which is why when he turned on the charm, to those who would never be close to him and so not a threat, the fools fell so heavily for it.
He painted his face so effectively he painted himself into a corner where, exhausted, he died. Believe me, he was not wild or flamboyant in the best sense of the words. He was just very afraid.