My wonderful friend Steven (now no longer with us) was effeminate and rather camp. I never expected him to conform to what would be seen as 'straight' behaviour. But then he didn't dress in lumberjack drag and refer to everyone as 'girlfriend'. I think much of that is unnecessary and the product of a form of self hatred and shame we should have said goodbye to years ago. I pointed out Sebastian's girlfriend in a photo. In truth his sexuality was fluid but whether that was one more considered piece of the persona or actually natural I will never know."Bi now, gay later" was one of his many sayings. Sebastian affected a persona. It was entirely a construct. A considered act. Sheer artifice. Part of it, unfortunately, was taken from the worst examples of gay men's behaviour. Bitchiness, archness and malice coated with a thin veneer of wit. That is how he believed 'faggots' (a word he loved) behaved. One of the reasons he was disappointed with me is because I did not fit that profile and was happy not to. He was startlingly nasty to people...be it his family, his friends or pretty well anyone who was not well known or could not further the idea of Sebastian. His flamboyance was an act of rage that unfortunately used spite as fuel and caused a huge amount of hurt along the way. His autobiography reveals as much to any one who knows enough or can read between the lines. I knew him before the monster and will always love him for the person beneath, the one he worked so hard to hide and deny. In the end he was almost entirely about being nasty. Which is why when he turned on the charm, to those who would never be close to him and so not a threat, the fools fell so heavily for it. He painted his face so effectively he painted himself into a corner where, exhausted, he died. Believe me, he was not wild or flamboyant in the best sense of the words. He was just very afraid.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2010-08-05 12:16 pm (UTC)I pointed out Sebastian's girlfriend in a photo. In truth his sexuality was fluid but whether that was one more considered piece of the persona or actually natural I will never know."Bi now, gay later" was one of his many sayings. Sebastian affected a persona. It was entirely a construct. A considered act. Sheer artifice. Part of it, unfortunately, was taken from the worst examples of gay men's behaviour. Bitchiness, archness and malice coated with a thin veneer of wit. That is how he believed 'faggots' (a word he loved) behaved. One of the reasons he was disappointed with me is because I did not fit that profile and was happy not to. He was startlingly nasty to people...be it his family, his friends or pretty well anyone who was not well known or could not further the idea of Sebastian. His flamboyance was an act of rage that unfortunately used spite as fuel and caused a huge amount of hurt along the way. His autobiography reveals as much to any one who knows enough or can read between the lines. I knew him before the monster and will always love him for the person beneath, the one he worked so hard to hide and deny.
In the end he was almost entirely about being nasty. Which is why when he turned on the charm, to those who would never be close to him and so not a threat, the fools fell so heavily for it.
He painted his face so effectively he painted himself into a corner where, exhausted, he died. Believe me, he was not wild or flamboyant in the best sense of the words. He was just very afraid.