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About 7 or 8 years ago, I occasionally visited an adult book store on the edge of town. The place is no longer around for various reasons. For one, the internet has rendered most of these places extinct. Also, because of its proximity to town, it was sometimes the focus of a small but dedicated band of rabid fundamentalists who would stand in front with signs and bibles and sometimes, sadly, their children. I mainly rented videos there, and only rarely checked out the activity in the back arcade. Usually there wasn't anything interesting going on, or anyone very attractive.
On one such visit - a Monday evening I recall quite vividly - I was returning a video. Out of boredom on a sleepy night, I stepped into the arcade for a minute. As I was standing in front of the 'menu' of videos playing in the rooms, I was aware of someone suddenly standing beside me. Within a couple of seconds I duly checked the man out with a furtive glance. I was shocked to recognize him as the husband of a woman I worked with. I had always assumed him to be straight. He was the epitome of a conservative family man. This small arcade was of course the domain of people looking for an anonymous encounter. If the clientele didn't think of themselves as gay, their activity certainly was.
My seeing him was all the more odd because I knew his wife at that very moment was lying in recovery from surgery in a hospital bed. After a pause, I quickly left without exchanging another glance. Driving away I quickly put the small incident behind me. For one, the ethos of such a place dictates utmost discretion. And two, anyone's life, friend or foe, can be hopelessly complicated. The woman was more than my workmate, she was also a friend. She was a beautiful woman, the mother of five grown children, some of whom were at that time in Iraq. I was extremely fond of her, as I still am.
So much for preamble.
About three months ago, I was in my neighborhood market picking up dinner. As I looked up, a fellow passed by that I recognized but couldn't place. It took five seconds or so to recognize him. This was the man! I hadn't seem him in over a year. There was a reason I didn't instantly know him - he had lost weight. Lots of weight. I smiled at him, and he smiled back. I saw from a distance his wife and waved at her.
I had only known him to be a big husky fellow. Not obese at all, in fact no belly to speak of. Just big. Big chest, arms, legs. Maybe an ex-footballer, probably around 260 - 270 lb. Now before me was a completely different silhouette. Most gay men my age saw at least a few of their friends in the 80s and 90s morph from husky gym boys to emaciated waifs in a matter of months. Such was the form my friend's husband now held.
No straight family man in Texas reduces his mass by two thirds in a weight-loss program. If he had had cancer, or any other such thing, we would have all known about it. But in a family like this, any suggestion of HIV/AIDS would be a shameful announcement to the world.
Closeted. Hypocrite. Scoundrel. The words are so easy to toss out. However I can't imagine many of my gay friends being able to resist the charms of this guy, if they found themselves cruising the same back room. Friendly, handsome, and beefy, with tufts of sandy hair poking out of his neck-collar.
Last night I was able study my friend for a few seconds. Deep circles have overtaken her beautiful face. Her common sense and optimism still shine through. But there is also something grave and worrisome. I am making a few assumptions I guess - but not many. They were planning to move to Dallas in September. That never materialized, and has not been mentioned in weeks.
I am concerned for her.
On one such visit - a Monday evening I recall quite vividly - I was returning a video. Out of boredom on a sleepy night, I stepped into the arcade for a minute. As I was standing in front of the 'menu' of videos playing in the rooms, I was aware of someone suddenly standing beside me. Within a couple of seconds I duly checked the man out with a furtive glance. I was shocked to recognize him as the husband of a woman I worked with. I had always assumed him to be straight. He was the epitome of a conservative family man. This small arcade was of course the domain of people looking for an anonymous encounter. If the clientele didn't think of themselves as gay, their activity certainly was.
My seeing him was all the more odd because I knew his wife at that very moment was lying in recovery from surgery in a hospital bed. After a pause, I quickly left without exchanging another glance. Driving away I quickly put the small incident behind me. For one, the ethos of such a place dictates utmost discretion. And two, anyone's life, friend or foe, can be hopelessly complicated. The woman was more than my workmate, she was also a friend. She was a beautiful woman, the mother of five grown children, some of whom were at that time in Iraq. I was extremely fond of her, as I still am.
So much for preamble.
About three months ago, I was in my neighborhood market picking up dinner. As I looked up, a fellow passed by that I recognized but couldn't place. It took five seconds or so to recognize him. This was the man! I hadn't seem him in over a year. There was a reason I didn't instantly know him - he had lost weight. Lots of weight. I smiled at him, and he smiled back. I saw from a distance his wife and waved at her.
I had only known him to be a big husky fellow. Not obese at all, in fact no belly to speak of. Just big. Big chest, arms, legs. Maybe an ex-footballer, probably around 260 - 270 lb. Now before me was a completely different silhouette. Most gay men my age saw at least a few of their friends in the 80s and 90s morph from husky gym boys to emaciated waifs in a matter of months. Such was the form my friend's husband now held.
No straight family man in Texas reduces his mass by two thirds in a weight-loss program. If he had had cancer, or any other such thing, we would have all known about it. But in a family like this, any suggestion of HIV/AIDS would be a shameful announcement to the world.
Closeted. Hypocrite. Scoundrel. The words are so easy to toss out. However I can't imagine many of my gay friends being able to resist the charms of this guy, if they found themselves cruising the same back room. Friendly, handsome, and beefy, with tufts of sandy hair poking out of his neck-collar.
Last night I was able study my friend for a few seconds. Deep circles have overtaken her beautiful face. Her common sense and optimism still shine through. But there is also something grave and worrisome. I am making a few assumptions I guess - but not many. They were planning to move to Dallas in September. That never materialized, and has not been mentioned in weeks.
I am concerned for her.
